435 Step 4 Uncensored: Sonia's Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory

June 18, 2026

Before we jump in, I have a couple of programming notes for you. The first is that since this month is the 10th anniversary of the show, I’ll be publishing a back to basics series for those who are either allergic to the 12 steps, who are sober curious or otherwise needing support for early recovery.

The second is to let you know that there are lots of free resources on the podcast website at odaatchat.com. There's a guide called 30 tips for your first 30 days, how to have sober fun, and how to make sobriety stick. These are all free and available for instant download.

Okay friend, if you are skeptical of the steps, I actually wrote a whole book about “The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics” available on Amazon, but if you find yourself curious about the program, we are getting into the nitty gritty work of the 12 steps today! This is another installment of the stepwork series that I have been doing with Sonia Kahlon, co-founder of Sisters in Sobriety.

I just love Sonia. She’s so courageous in her willingness to work the program in semi public. We will be doing some of this work in private because I want her to feel safe in doing the work, but you’ll get a peek into the process so you can make an informed decision to try the steps or not.

In this episode, we walk through Sonia’s actual Step 4 inventory together - her resentments toward her parents, her brother, and her ex-husband - and dig into what finding your part really means when you weren’t the one who caused the damage.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why Step 4 is not about taking blame - it’s about finding your power
- How unresolved resentments show up as triggers, even years later
- The difference between self-pity and an appropriate emotional response to pain
- How the people we’re most resentful toward reveal our deepest limiting beliefs
- Why self-abandonment is often the real pattern hiding underneath our biggest resentments
and
- How to find the gifts that grew out of your most painful experiences